Spiritual friendship (kalyāṇa-mittatā)
Spiritual friendship (kalyāṇa-mittatā)
6. “For most of the time on this retreat, I've tried to work with a persistent problem from a variety of angles, but as I work with it it seems to get worse; it seems obsessional. Any suggestions?” [Meditation retreats] [Everyday life] [Goodwill] [Proliferation] // [Volitional formations] [Habits] [Spiritual friendship] [Patience]
6. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah leaves his companions and stays alone. [Tudong] [Seclusion] [Culture/Thailand] [Ajahn Chah] // [Spiritual friendship]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 89
Quote: “Where is the good person? He lies within us. If we're good, then wherever we go, the goodness stays with us.” — Ajahn Chah [Virtue] [Spiritual friendship] [Blame and praise]
4. “Can the practice be used in a punitative or punishing way?” [Guilt/shame/inadequacy] // [Culture/West] [Habits] [Clear comprehension] [Craving not to become]
Quote: “Having a human mind...it's amazing how perverse it can be sometimes.” [Human] [Unwholesome Roots]
Story: Ajahn Pasanno can't translate guilt into Thai. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Translation] [Culture/Thailand] [Suffering]
Quote: “All you need to do is create a cage of mindfulness around [unskillful habits].” — Ajahn Chah [Ajahn Chah] [Sense restraint] [Mindfulness] [Unskillful qualities] [Similes]
Follow-up: “What about letting the tiger go instead of keeping it in a cage?”
Follow-up: “What about the case when one feels one is the tiger trapped in a metaphorical cage. How to escape?” [Liberation] [Perception] [Self-identity view] [Spiritual friendship]
2. Comment: It's not so easy to let go of people who have been in my life forever to cultivate new friendships. [Relinquishment] [Spiritual friendship]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Judgementalism] [Virtue] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Views]
4. “If my sister has unwholesome friendships, how can I help her redirect these?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] // [Compassion] [Judgementalism] [Right Intention] [Right Speech] [Admonishment/feedback]
Story: An Abhayagiri monk skillfully conveys concerns to his father. [Abhayagiri]
5. Meditation instruction: Walking meditation instructions. [Posture/Walking] [Spiritual friendship] // [Continuity of mindfulness] [Tranquility]
1. “The Buddha said 'One is expected to cultivate the path when you meet noble friends.' How much responsibility do we need to take for this?” [Spiritual friendship] [Association with people of integrity] [Volition]
3. “Can you give some suggestions on dealing with betrayal in relationships?” [Relationships] [Sexual misconduct] [Trust] // [Spiritual friendship] [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment] [Judgementalism] [Monastic life]
Sutta: Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 46: The Highest Blessings (Mangala Sutta, SN 2.4)
7. “Would you please comment on 'The Highest Blessings' where is reads: 'Avoiding those of foolish ways...and cherishing family.' What if family members engage in foolish ways like addiction to alcohol and one can not always avoid them? Can one cherish one of foolish ways?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Intoxicants]
13. “Is that where when one isn't meditating per se but where virtue would come in to inform whether we have slipped or not?” [Virtue] // [Upasikā Kee Nanayon] [Ajahn Chah] [Conscience and prudence] [Similes] [Spiritual friendship]
Quote: “The defilements have their wisdom also.” — Ajahn Chah [Unwholesome Roots] [Discernment] [Delusion]
4. The trio of Ajahn Anan, Ajahn Dtun, and Ajahn Piak. [Ajahn Anan] [Ajahn Dtun] [Ajahn Piak] [Wat Pah Pong] [Spiritual friendship] [Ajahn Chah]
Quote: “Ajahn Dtun's path is the path of wisdom...Ajahn Piak is gifted in samādhi. And I have very strong faith.” — Ajahn Anan [Discernment] [Concentration] [Faith]
3. “If you keep chipping away at a theme of contemplation, you keep doing it, doing it, and nothing is changing in your experience, at some stage you feel this isn't working, do you just have to move on and try something else? Is it the case that you just have to try them all? No-one can tell you which is going to work for you?” [Depression] [Recollection] // [Patience] [Spiritual friendship]
Story: Ajahn Wanchai has a spinal injury and is in chronic pain but doesn't refer to himself. Told by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Ajahn Wanchai] [Suffering] [Sickness] [Pain] [Conceit]
4. Comment: The story you told where a monk was punched, I really didn't see the point of that. [Ajahn Jia] [Admonishment/feedback] [Fierce/direct teaching]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Cunda: Enlightened people still have personalities. [Cleanliness] [Liberation] [Personality] [Ajahn Tate] [Spiritual friendship] [Vinaya]
Quote: “Gold wrapped in a dirty rag.” — Ajahn Mahā Boowa describing Ajahn Jia. [Ajahn Mahā Boowa] [Similes]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah was always the center of attention. [Ajahn Chah] [Personal presence]
Story: Some monks go to spend Vassa with Ajahn Jia, but he leaves to take care of his teacher. Told by Ajahn Cunda. [Rains retreat] [Ajahn Khao]
15. “Living in the West, chances are most of us will die in a hospital, which could be quite chaotic. Any advice?” [Culture/West] [Health care] [Death] // [Spiritual friendship] [Community] [Saṅgha]
Story: The Abhayagiri community attends to a dying lay supporter. [Abhayagiri]
Comments about hospitals contributed by Ajahn Karuṇadhammo.
13. “This is a comment to say thank you to the whole Sangha, really, for your interest in practice. We were doing walking meditation and there was such a contrast between the cars driving through and the walking practice. Usually, I feel more alone in practice. It feels so good not to be the odd one out. You guys almost made me cry with sweeping the walking paths yesterday. Thank you Sangha.” [Gratitude] [Posture/Walking] [Spiritual friendship]
5. “I'm not sure how to be with close friends or family members who out of a desire to avoid pain and find happiness engage in self-destructive behaivor that also harms those around them.” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] [Craving] [Compassion] // [Discernment]
Sutta: Maṅgala Sutta: Don't associate with fools.
10. “Any advice for cures for burnout? I'm in a helping profession and feel depleted and exhausted. I need help getting the balance between giving and receiving.” [Depression] [Work] [Health] [Generosity] [Compassion] // [Culture/West] [Idealism] [Commentaries] [Selfishness]
Quote: “Compassion in the English language means 'to suffer with.' If you end up suffering with too much, you end up burnt out.” [Language] [Suffering]
Quote: “Don't think you're a ten-wheeled dump truck when all you are is a wheelbarrow.” — Ajahn Chah [Ajahn Chah]
Commentary: Path of Purification by Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli, p. 291: Classical cultivation of goodwill and compassion, first to yourself. [Goodwill]
Quote: “Our ability to be with others and to help and to give is dependent on our being kind and compassionate to ourselves.” [Spiritual friendship] [Self-reliance]
13. “When you're living on the precepts, how do I relate to (for example) a friend who tells me about an affair they are having?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Jotipālo. [Precepts] [Spiritual friendship] [Sexual misconduct] // [Skillful qualities] [Admonishment/feedback] [Discernment] [Right Speech] [Vinaya] [Abhayagiri]
Quote: “Don't admonish your fellow monks before the meal.” — Ajahn Chah. Quoted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] [Monastic life] [Food] [Eating after noon]
3. “As I consider which aspects of my life could be simplified, it occurs to me that I have two different friendships which may no longer be worth the trade off in time or energy. After spending time with either of these friends, I tend to be more drained of my very limited energy, possible because neither is very self-aware and both talk a lot. What is my obligation to an old friend who has recently come through a really hard time in her life or to a new friend whose health and living situation are precarious. Is there a graceful way to bow out of a friendship without harming the other person?” [Spiritual friendship]
14. “I keep mostly to myself, but morality and ethics affects the jist of my involvement in society. What should I be doing further to address social suffering?” [Virtue] [Community] [Suffering] [Right Effort] [Politics and society] // [Spiritual friendship] [Goodwill]
16. “I spread lovingkindness from home and don't have the good fortune of meeting with like minds who practice to perfect sīla. Any suggestions?” [Lay life] [Goodwill] [Spiritual friendship] [Virtue]
Quote: Ajahn Chah to Ajahn Sumedho: “Do you mean to say there's no good people in America?” [Ajahn Chah] [Ajahn Sumedho] [Culture/West]
3. Reflection: Establishing relations with family and friends in Dhamma. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah would sometimes allow Westerners to ordain without their parent's permission. [Ordination] [History/Western Buddhist monasticism]
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaivors but we don't want to cut out of our lives?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]
14. “Even reading scripturally-oriented material can be used as an escape; it's easier than meditating. I was wondering about the precept on entertainment, beautification and adornment. Can you give some advice on how to interpret this in practical terms?” [Learning] [Craving not to become] [Entertainment and adornment] // [Idealism] [Discernment] [Idle chatter] [Spiritual friendship] [Faith] [Media] [Ajahn Soṇa] [Abhayagiri] [Dhamma online] [Ajahn Pasanno]
3. “Did vibhavatanha arise in any of the monks at the loss of the Buddha? How do we notice vibhavatanha in practice, and what is a wise and compassionate response?” [Craving not to become] [Death] [Grief] [Sutta] [Buddha/Biography] // [Stream entry] [Stages of awakening] [Recollection/Dhamma] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Spiritual friendship] [Devotional practice] [Suffering]
Sutta: DN 16: Mahāparinibbāna Sutta [Nibbāna]
Story: The funeral of a close Wat Pah Nanachat supporter. [Funerals] [Wat Pah Nanachat]
4. “You spoke about the teachings and the training. What is the training for a lay practitioner other than the Five Precepts?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Amaro. [Dhamma] [Vinaya] [Lay life] [Five Precepts] // [Meditation] [Communal harmony] [Right Livelihood] [Family] [Work] [Politics and society] [Spiritual friendship]
1. Comment: I listen to the talks and read the books, and everything is so logical and rational, but I'm still stuck in habitual patterns of living. [Hearing the true Dhamma] [Dhamma books] [Everyday life] [Habits]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Association with people of integrity] [Community] [Monasteries] [Lunar observance days] [Online community] [Chanting] [Spiritual friendship] [Impermanence] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Generosity]
Quote: “When you're living with a group of people, not everybody is depressed and lazy and fed up at the same time.” [Unwholesome Roots]
Sutta: SN 55.5 Sāriputta [Factors for stream entry]
5. “I feel that a lot of people are disconnected with the reality world. They don't have a place of social, and they withdraw themselves and go on the internet. So I think the fundamental problem is people [audio unclear] in this real world. Do you have any comments on how to connect people in the real world so there can be a replacement of social media?” [Community] [Social media] [Internet] // [Dhamma online] [Pandemic] [Online community] [Abhayagiri] [Lunar observance days]
Sutta: SN 55.5: Spiritual friendship as a condition for Right View. [Spiritual friendship] [Right View] [Conditionality] [Appropriate attention]