Part of key topic Everyday Life Practice
28 excerpts, 2:09:51 total duration
“How would you describe romantic love? And how do you know if it is real or wishful thinking?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships ] [Delusion] // [Self-identity view] [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment]
Quote: “I think you’re asking the wrong person!”
Sutta: AN 4.55
Thanksgiving Retreat 2016, Session 3, Excerpt 11
“In the context of deep love—like between spouses or between parent and child—what is the application of the concept of non-attachment? What does it mean?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Relinquishment] [Relationships ] // [Characteristics of existence] [Compassion]
Quote: “A really loving gift is giving that person the autonomy to be a human being but to really care for them.” [Generosity] [Self-reliance] [Human]
2014 Thanksgiving Monastic Retreat, Session 1, Excerpt 7
Comment: Coming out af a long-term relationship where someone was killed in an accident after 42 years, the way you presented the disadvantages and advantages of a conventional loving relationship was perhaps a little light on the advantages. [Relationships ] [Death] // [Monastic life/Motivation] [Gratitude] [Long-term practice] [Suffering] [Courage]
Response by Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Relationships ] [Saṅgha] [Saṃsāra] [Spiritual urgency]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships ] [Buddha/Biography] [Ageing] [Rebirth] [Treasures]
Reference: AN 4.55: Nakula’s mother and father aspire to see each other in this life and the next.
Love, Attachment, and Friendship (2019), Session 1, Excerpt 3
6. Reading from the draft biography: Chah falls in love. Read by Ajahn Amaro. [Relationships] [Ajahn Chah] // [Family] [Commerce/economics] [Restlessness and worry]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 34
3. Question related to age and ordination (audio unclear). Answered by Ajahn Sumedho. [Ordination] [Older monks] [Ajahn Chah] // [Culture/Thailand] [Meditation] [Mae Chee] [Relationships] [Liberation] [Culture/West]
Story: A doctor ordains later in life. Told by Ajahn Amaro. [Health care] [Relationships]
7. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah falls in love. Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Ajahn Chah] // [Culture/Thailand] [Spiritual urgency] [Sensual desire]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 34
3. “Can you give some suggestions on dealing with betrayal in relationships?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Sexual misconduct] [Trust] // [Spiritual friendship] [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment] [Judgementalism] [Monastic life]
Sutta: Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 46: The Highest Blessings (Mangala Sutta, SN 2.4)
3. “Can you talk about how to work with infidelity.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Sexual misconduct]
4. “Thank you for the wonderful teachings...Can you further discuss dispassion and nonattachment in the context of the ‘middle way.’ (particularly for a layperson in a loving relationship)” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Dispassion]
11. “Thank you for your uplifting and encouraging talks. My husband died 6 months ago. Could you give suggestions for how to contemplate anicca and anatta in the context of his life, illness, and death?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Impermanence] [Not-self] [Sickness] [Death] [Relationships]
7. “I have a hard time ending or letting go of relationships after they no longer serve me or prove to be unskillful people...Is this attachment to person or aversion/ fear etc of the unknown?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Relinquishment] [Clinging] [Fear]
18. “When meditating, I’ve begun to ask myself: ‘What is the cause of suffering?’ A couple of sense desires arise, namely, the lack of intimacy and lack of a healthy relationship with a partner. Do I need to let these (seemingly normal) desires go to get down the path?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Cause of Suffering] [Relationships] [Sensual desire] [Eightfold Path]
3. Reading: AN 6.16: Nakula’s Father Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Sickness] [Relationships] [Death]
14. Story: A woman dies peacefully while retelling the story of their life together with her partner of 60 years. [Relationships] [Family] [Recollection/Virtue] [Death]
16. Story about creating sacred space around her dying husband. Told by Beth Steff. [Health care] [Devotional practice] [Relationships] [Death]
4. Reflection by Jeanne Daskais: How Dhamma practice helped me be with my mother’s death and support my family through the process. [Parents] [Sickness] [Buddhist identity] [Family] [Death] // [Grief] [Christianity] [Health care] [Relationships] [Recollection/Death] [Generosity]
Sutta: SN 47.19: The Bamboo Acrobat
7. “In the context of deep love—like between spouses or between parent and child—what is the application of the concept of non-attachment? What does it mean?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Relinquishment] [Relationships ] // [Characteristics of existence] [Compassion]
Quote: “A really loving gift is giving that person the autonomy to be a human being but to really care for them.” [Generosity] [Self-reliance] [Human]
1. “How do I use the teaching today about investigating the cause of suffering when working with betrayal? Been married to high school sweetheart for 40 years. Raised children together and best of friends. Lately he has gone off the deep end. Midlife crisis? - who knows, but he started drinking and acting out sexually. The feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and fear are beyond words. If new relationship I would leave, but he has been in my life since I was a child. Impossible to accept but hard to leave. How do I find the cause of suffering (noble truth) you spoke of today? And how to bring some equanimity and space around this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Cause of Suffering] [Relationships] [Family] [Intoxicants] [Sexual misconduct] [Aversion] [Equanimity]
11. “Is sexuality and wanting an intimate connection with another considered a negative desire?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Sensual desire] [Relationships] [Desire] [Unskillful qualities] // [Food] [Clear comprehension] [Compassion] [Selfishness] [Discernment] [Precepts] [Trust]
Quote: “It’s not so much a matter of thwarting desire, but understanding how desire works so we can build those bonds of trust and care.” [Relationships]
25. “If one were to choose a life partner who was not practicing the Dhamma as we know it but had some spirited lightness about them, what are some qualities we should look for in them that would make them a good partner?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] // [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment]
11. “How would you describe romantic love? And how do you know if it is real or wishful thinking?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships ] [Delusion] // [Self-identity view] [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment]
Quote: “I think you’re asking the wrong person!”
Sutta: AN 4.55
12. “How do I deal with the mind which loves someone who doesn’t love back? The mind (heart) and the brain are very hard to function normally. The thought of this suffering is overwhelming in my entire daily routines.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] [Suffering] // [Purpose/meaning] [Time management]
Sutta: AN 10.48 Ten Recollections (Chanting book translation)
11. “Can you speak a bit about aversion and letting go? I’m dealing with the loss of my brother and the ending of a 15 year marriage. The painful memories are hard to process, and it is easier to push them away. I’d like to “know” and “let go” of them.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Aversion] [Relinquishment] [Grief] [Relationships]
2. “Could you describe in detail and provide explicit examples of the four mutual qualities of a couple?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships] // [Faith] [Virtue] [Generosity] [Discernment]
Sutta: AN 4.55: Four mutual qualities of a couple.
9. “What were you like when you were 18?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] // [Delusion] [Spiritual search] [Intoxicants] [Relationships]
10. Comment: I haven’t heard any Buddhist teachers talk about wholesome romantic relationships. [Relationships] [Skillful qualities]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Treasures]
Sutta: AN 4.55 Samajīvī Sutta [Relationships] [Virtue]
23. “Apart from cheating in a relationship or sexual assault, what is sexual misconduct?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Sexual misconduct ] // [Relationships]
3. Comment: Coming out af a long-term relationship where someone was killed in an accident after 42 years, the way you presented the disadvantages and advantages of a conventional loving relationship was perhaps a little light on the advantages. [Relationships ] [Death] // [Monastic life/Motivation] [Gratitude] [Long-term practice] [Suffering] [Courage]
Response by Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Relationships ] [Saṅgha] [Saṃsāra] [Spiritual urgency]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Relationships ] [Buddha/Biography] [Ageing] [Rebirth] [Treasures]
Reference: AN 4.55: Nakula’s mother and father aspire to see each other in this life and the next.
2. Comment: I appreciate how the reading (On Love by Ajahn Jayasaro) describes the foundation of love as a commitment to sīla, moral conduct, and shared values. This makes explicit the idea that the marriage vows are like the precepts. This is a moving idea of love and marriage that resonates with my own marriage. [Ajahn Jayasaro] [Goodwill] [Virtue] [Relationships] [Precepts] // [Clinging] [Service]
4. “There are teachings about different levels of generosity (e.g. AN 7.49). Are there similar teachings about love or attachment?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Generosity] [Goodwill] [Clinging] // [Dhamma] [Desire] [Teaching Dhamma] [Aggregates] [Mindfulness] [Relationships] [Spaciousness]
4. “How to overcome rejection by your spouse and move on and not hang on to the hope that he will come back some day?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Relationships] [Family] // [Self-reliance] [Goodwill]