Family
Family
6. “Can you speak about working with fear and loss of ego identity, fear, and death?” [Fear] [Self-identity view] [Death] // [Goodwill] [Aggregates] [Impermanence] [Delusion] [Faith] [Eightfold Path] [Perfections] [Recollection]
Reference: Description of dukkha. [Suffering]
Quote: “We respond to teachings on liberation and Nibbāna with a curious sense of fear and trepidation.” — Ajahn Mahā Boowa speaking about Ajahn Mun [Ajahn Mahā Boowa] [Ajahn Mun] [Liberation] [Nibbāna] [Family] [Clinging]
2. “Would you explain the duties adult children have towards ageing parents and the duties of parents towards their children as taught by the Buddha?” [Family] [Ageing] [Children] // [Health care] [Culture/Asia]
Sutta: AN 2.33: The greatest gifts to one's parents. [Virtue] [Generosity] [Right View]
6. “What are the characteristics of personality? Are they conditioned by kamma and our family, culture, and nationality? How do I learn not to take mine as truth and real?” [Personality] [Conditionality] [Kamma] [Family] [Cultural context] [Self-identity view] // [Suffering] [Characteristics of existence] [Humor]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah tended to translate anicca as uncertain or not sure. [Ajahn Chah] [Impermanence] [Translation] [Proliferation] [Direct experience]
4. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah's birthplace and early life. [Culture/Thailand] [Family] [Children] [Ajahn Chah]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 22
5. Reading from the draft biography: At the age of nine, Ajahn Chah asks to go to the village monastery. [Family] [Novices] [Ajahn Chah]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 25
10. Reading from the draft biography: Ajahn Chah accepts his dying father's request to stay as a monk for life. [Family] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Sickness] [Death] [Ajahn Chah] [Determination] // [Mindfulness of body] [Sense of urgency] [Saṃsāra]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 40
Quote: “I dedicate my body and mind, my whole life, to the practice of the Lord Buddha’s teachings in their entirety. I will realize the truth in this lifetime … I will let go of everything and follow the teachings. No matter how much suffering and difficulty I have to endure I will persevere, otherwise there will be no end to my doubts. I will make this life as even and continuous as a single day and night. I will abandon attachments to mind and body and follow the Buddha’s teachings until I know their truth for myself.” — Ajahn Chah [Ardency] [Patience] [Doubt] [Continuity of mindfulness] [Relinquishment] [Knowledge and vision]
Reference: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 42
The singular quality of Ajahn Chah's resolution. Reflection by Ajahn Pasanno.
4. “Is growing grapes right livelihood?” [Intoxicants] [Commerce/economics] [Right Livelihood]
Story: The son of a winemaking family lives on the land but doesn't participate in wine production. [Family]
3. “Everyone in our group is struggling with issues about livelihood. Does anyone here feel their livelihood is in tune?” Answered by Ajahn Yatiko and Ajahn Pasanno. [Work] [Idealism] // [Contentment] [Eightfold Path] [Kamma]
Quote: “Maybe it would be better phrased 'Right-enough livelihood.'” — Ajahn Karuṇadhammo [Right Livelihood]
Story: An upright career police officer in Thailand transfers in and out of a corrupt assignment. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Community] [Crime] [Corruption] [Family] [Precepts]
Comment by Ajahn Karuṇadhammo: Even monks face moral dillemas. [Monastic life] [Vinaya]
4. “If my sister has unwholesome friendships, how can I help her redirect these?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] // [Compassion] [Judgementalism] [Right Intention] [Right Speech] [Admonishment/feedback]
Story: An Abhayagiri monk skillfully conveys concerns to his father. [Family] [Abhayagiri]
4. “I'm having trouble integrating some of the teachings in the context of preparing to have a child...How might one be fully open to the lightness and joy surrounding birth while remaining deeply aware of these other truths of existence?” [Family] [Birth]
15. “Thank you Luang Por for your time and teachings. I would like to hear more about the idea of restraint (especially in regards to raising a teenager).” [Family] [Sense restraint]
11. “Is there an obligation to reconcile with family before your death or theirs (especially when family has been particularly unskillful towards us)?” [Family] [Death] [Forgiveness]
7. “Would you please comment on 'The Highest Blessings' where is reads: 'Avoiding those of foolish ways...and cherishing family.' What if family members engage in foolish ways like addiction to alcohol and one can not always avoid them? Can one cherish one of foolish ways?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Intoxicants]
20. “Today is the 23rd anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. I am particularly thinking of her today and dedicating loving kindness. Is this a meritorious act or is this fantasy?” [Death] [Family] [Merit] [Goodwill]
2. “You said in the chanting, 'I am the heir to my kamma.' Gam in Thai is what we cultivate in body, speech and mind. In the Thai concept, we also have jao gam nai ren. Can Ajahn help me sort this out?” [Kamma] [Culture/Thailand] [Nature of the cosmos] // [Suffering] [Health care] [Birth]
Reference: Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55: Five Recollections
Follow-up: “My mother is dying at age 88. She had a plane accident 20 years ago and has been completely immobile....In Thai we say, jao gam nai ren must have been chasing after her.” [Family] [Sickness] [Death]
[Session] Ajahn Pasanno begins the retreat by encouraging us to return to the basics of the Noble Eight-fold Path. He mentions Iris Landsberg, a long-standing lay supporter dying of lung cancer, both to set the tone for the monk's final visit to her and to encourage us to practice while there is still time. Iris passed away February 1, 2014. [Eightfold Path] [Sickness] [Death] [Mutual lay/Saṅgha support] [Sense of urgency] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Meditation retreats] [Family] [Health care]
Sutta: DN 16.34: The world will not be devoid of awakened beings as long as people are practicing the Eightfold Path. [Stages of awakening]
Story: Ajahn Pāvaro decides to practice in Bodh Gaya after receiving worrying medical news. [Ajahn Pavaro] [Visiting holy sites] [Impermanence]
Sutta: MN 131: Bhaddekaratta Sutta (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 75)
7. The character of Ajahn Chah and his relatives. [Ajahn Chah] [Personality] [Aversion] [Humor] // [Leadership]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah's older brother had the same personality. [Family]
8. Comment by Ajahn Ñāṇiko: Ajahn Chah's brother didn't have an inferiority complex. [Ajahn Chah] [Family] [Guilt/shame/inadequacy]
10. Story: Ajahn Ñaniko meets Ajahn Mun's nephew. Told by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Ajahn Mun] [Family]
3. “Was there a time in Thai history when meditation was a routine part of childhood education?” [History/Thai Buddhism] [Children] [Learning] [Meditation] // [Three Refuges] [Chanting] [Right View]
Reflection: Ajahn Liem's mother and sister were nuns with similar demeanor. [Ajahn Liem] [Family] [Mae Chee] [Wat Pah Pong] [Personality]
10. “So they do temporary ordinations in Thailand?” [Culture/Thailand] [Temporary ordination] [Novices]
Follow-up: “What would be the duration, was there a range?” [Wat Pah Pong] [Ajahn Chah]
Story: Ajahn Chah ordains 80 temporary monks for his mother's funeral. [Family] [Death] [Funerals]
Follow-up: “Did they come in as anāgārikas or sāmaṇeras?” [Sequence of training] [Postulants]
Story: Ajahn Chah takes on temporary ordinations for three years.
14. Story: A woman dies peacefully while retelling the story of their life together with her partner of 60 years. [Relationships] [Family] [Recollection/Virtue] [Death]
25. Comment: Merit is faith driven, so there aren't any limitations to where that can take you, and it has real value. [Merit] [Faith] [Realms of existence] [Death]
Story: Two Thai doctors take temporary ordination to make merit to rejoin their deceased brother in a future life. [Culture/Thailand] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Temporary ordination] [Family] [Rebirth]
Story: The mother of a woman killed in a bus crash dedicates merit so that the dead woman will be reborn in the family. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Wat Pah Nanachat] [Ghost] [Relinquishment] [Ceremony/ritual] [Kamma] [Volition]
Quote: “We live in a fairly limited concept of the world; it's very material in the West. There's a lot more happening than what we can see.” — Ajahn Pasanno [Nature of the cosmos] [Culture/West]
26. “If a family member who has passed turns into a hungry ghost, how might one help them when they're in that realm?” [Family] [Rebirth] [Ghost] [Compassion] [Death] // [Merit]
Sutta: AN 10.177: Jāṇussoṇī
Follow-up: “Does it work the same way if the person hasn't made much merit?” [Kamma] [Skillful qualities] [Unskillful qualities] [Human]
3. Reflection by Ajahn Yatiko: "Authenticity and Freedom": Ajahn Yatiko reflects on his brother Glenn’s life, values, and suicide from the perspective of a “Siamese twin joined at the soul” and from the perspective of a Buddhist monk. Originally offered at Glenn’s memorial service on September 30, 2013, at Ascension Lutheran Church in Edmonton, this talk was replayed during the 2014 Upasika Day on Death and Dying. [Family] [Suicide] [Truth] [Liberation] [Death] // [Christianity] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Mental illness] [Idealism] [Spiritual search] [Judgementalism] [Impermanence] [Kamma]
4. Reflection by Jeanne Daskais: How Dhamma practice helped me be with my mother's death and support my family through the process. [Family] [Sickness] [Buddhist identity] [Death] // [Grief] [Christianity] [Health care] [Relationships] [Recollection/Death] [Generosity]
Sutta: SN 47.19: The Bamboo Acrobat
5. Reflection by Debbie Stamp: Caring for dying and grieving Abhayagiri supporters and family members. [Abhayagiri] [Sickness] [Family] [Grief] [Death] [Health care] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Christianity] [Forgiveness] [Fear] [Impermanence] [Merit] [Doubt]
Reference: Debbie transcribed Ajahn Pasanno's 2008 Metta Retreat, published it as Abundant, Exalted, Immeasurable, and dedicated the merit to her mother. [Meditation retreats] [Dhamma books]
Story: Ajahn Ñāṇiko hikes to the top of Mount Dana to dedicate merit to deceased relatives. [Ajahn Ñāṇiko]
9. Stories about being with dying relatives. Told by Debbie Stamp and Jeanne Daskais. [Family] [Children] [Death]
7. “In the context of deep love—like between spouses or between parent and child—what is the application of the concept of non-attachment? What does it mean?” [Family] [Relinquishment] [Relationships]
13. “The last two 3:30pm sittings have been challenging. Restless body and proliferating mind. I guess it's my time of day for anxiety. I use several techniques—mettā, 32 body parts, watch my long breaths—and by the time the bell rings, my internal landscape has changed. Thank you all for your teachings. Now, my question. I am still very attached to my husband and children. I don't want to relinquish the intimacy I share with my husband. I will suffer when they are gone. How do I reconcile this practice of relinquishment with the reality that I am a wife, mother and householder? With love.” [Gratitude] [Family] [Lay life] [Relinquishment]
14. “My relationship with my kids can be so contentious and draining—so different than I thought it would be. How can I love and train them even though it seems they were born to resist these things?” [Family] [Conflict]
1. “How do I use the teaching today about investigating the cause of suffering when working with betrayal? Been married to high school sweetheart for 40 years. Raised children together and best of friends. Lately he has gone off the deep end. Midlife crisis? - who knows, but he started drinking and acting out sexually. The feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and fear are beyond words. If new relationship I would leave, but he has been in my life since I was a child. Impossible to accept but hard to leave. How do I find the cause of suffering (noble truth) you spoke of today? And how to bring some equanimity and space around this?” [Cause of Suffering] [Family] [Intoxicants] [Sexual misconduct] [Aversion] [Equanimity]
19. “I would like to invite my aging mother to live with my family. Our family observes the precept of no-killing. However, my mother is not vegetarian. My spouse insists that everyone in the house must uphold the precept. I think it’s unfair to impose that on my aging mother. Is my spouse holding onto fixed views? I very much would like to honor my filial duty and at the same time maintain harmony in the family. As a practitioner, what is the best way to handle this situation? Thank you, Ajahn, for your time and advice.” [Family] [Killing] [Vegetarianism]
5. “I'm not sure how to be with close friends or family members who out of a desire to avoid pain and find happiness engage in self-destructive behaivor that also harms those around them.” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] [Craving] [Compassion] // [Discernment]
Sutta: Maṅgala Sutta: Don't associate with fools.
15. “There is a mean streak in my family, a tendency to be dishonest and manipulative. I can see how it has been passed down over generations. I have worked hard to overcome these habits in myself. At this stage of life my familiar relationships are mostly positive and harmonious, but I still sometimes run across their manipulation or dishonesty. I would like to discuss or address it within my family, but there is no apperent recouse or means of addressing the situation. Any questions?” [Family] [False speech]
2. “When you spent time with family, did you notice any old habits resurfacing?” [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Habits]
4. “In the West, we personalize every bit of suffering. Is it different in Thailand?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Karuṇadhammo. [Culture/West] [Suffering] [Self-identity view] [Culture/Thailand] // [Language] [Liberation]
Story: Ajahn Pasanno can't translate guilt into Thai. Told by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Guilt/shame/inadequacy] [Thai] [Translation]
Quote: “That's really suffering. Tell them not to do that.” — Ajahn Paññānanda [Ajahn Paññānanda]
Reference: Can't We Talk about Something More Pleasant? by Roz Chast (commercial). [Ageing] [Sickness] [Family] [Health care]
5. “This year my whole family got lice. How do we respond to this skillfully?” [Lay life] [Family] [Killing] [Animal] // [Human] [Patience]
15. “AN 5.38 says, 'Not by sorrow can even the slightest good come.' How does this work with the natural process of grieving?” [Grief] [Skillful qualities] // [Cultural context] [Family] [Ajahn Chah] [Death] [Characteristics of existence]
16. “During the Christmas holiday, I’m going to be spending some time with relatives who do not share my same political views. In the spirit of wanting to understand their views and wanting to heal the divide that exists in our country, I want to talk about the election with them. How do I have conversation skillfully?” [Family] [Politics and society] [Right Speech]
1. “My dearest parents -in-law - very ill, 82-84 years old, live in Europe. My dear husband loves his mother very much. He said if his mother passes away, he doesn’t want to be in the funeral. I don’t think it is a good idea. How can I help him and myself in the way of Buddha mind? I am afraid my husband will break down.” [Family] [Grief] [Funerals]
5. “What was the hardest thing to give up?” [Ajahn Pasanno] [Renunciation] // [Family]
Story: Ajahn Pasanno's first visit back to Canada. [Family]
10. Comment: I haven't heard any Buddhist teachers talk about wholesome romantic relationships. [Relationships] [Skillful qualities]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Treasures]
Sutta: AN 4.55 Samajīvī Sutta [Virtue]
2. Reading: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 40-41: Ajahn Chah's father's dying request [Family] [Death] [Monastic life/Motivation] [Ajahn Chah] // [Culture/Thailand] [Meditation]
3. Reflection: Establishing relations with family and friends in Dhamma. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah would sometimes allow Westerners to ordain without their parent's permission. [Ordination] [Family] [History/Western Buddhist monasticism]
4. Reading: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 582: "Out of Compassion" [Compassion] [Ajahn Chah] // [Gratitude] [Mutual lay/Saṅgha support] [Teaching Dhamma] [Family]
15. “What qualifies as helping a parent make progress on the path?” [Family] [Gratitude] [Eightfold Path] // [Learning] [Happiness] [Contentment] [Teaching Dhamma]
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaivors but we don't want to cut out of our lives?” [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]
5. Story: Ajahn Pasanno's mother notices that he chants in tune. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Chanting] // [Almsfood] [Mindfulness]
8. “Can we approach chanting as praying for someone in a difficult situation?” [Christianity] [Devotional practice] [Family] [Health] [Chanting] // [Skillful qualities] [Compassion] [Right Intention] [Merit] [Abhayagiri] [Nature of the cosmos]
13. “I live with my 96-year old mother. Her mind is quite good, but her body is ageing and there is pain in both legs. She has a stubborn will to carry on. We have our fights, but get through them quickly. I'm wanting to go to another level to develop patience. Can you comment?” [Ageing] [Family] [Pain] [Patience] // [Empathetic joy] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Relinquishment] [Gratitude] [Idealism]
Quote: “Even monks have mothers.” [Family]
1. Quote: “The kindest thing you can do for your parents is to not create them.” — Ajahn Sumedho [Ajahn Sumedho] [Family] [Goodwill] [Cessation] [Not-self] // [Amaravati] [Sīladharā] [Proliferation]
4. “How to overcome rejection by your spouse and move on and not hang on to the hope that he will come back some day?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Relationships] [Family] // [Self-reliance] [Goodwill]
13. “How to balance the practice of removing attachments but maintain responsibilities of caregiving to children or ageing parents?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Clinging] [Relinquishment] [Family] [Ageing] // [Gratitude]
1. “The reflection on kamma (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55) uses language related to family: 'born,' 'heir,' 'related', 'supported.' What are the implications of this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Kamma] [Family] [Language] // [Community] [Perception]
2. “I have a family and family responsibilities. How do I know I'm on the path and making right effort?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] [Right Effort] [Doubt] // [Four Noble Truths] [Culture/West] [Mindfulness of feeling] [Direct experience]
4. “You spoke about the teachings and the training. What is the training for a lay practitioner other than the Five Precepts?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Amaro. [Dhamma] [Vinaya] [Lay life] [Five Precepts] // [Meditation] [Communal harmony] [Right Livelihood] [Family] [Work] [Politics and society] [Spiritual friendship]
1. “In reference to the fragrance of the flower....There are many roses in the courtyard across the street....Why do we cultivate beauty? Where does beauty arise from?” [Beauty] // [Clinging] [Happiness] [Master Hsuan Hua] [Empathetic joy] [Unconditioned]
Sutta: MN 37: Sabbe dhamma nalam abhinivesaya. (Nothing whatsoever should be clung to.)
Story: Ajahn Pasanno's mother sends his old letters to Abhayagiri. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Abhayagiri]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah was unshakeable in the midst of all the things that were happening around him and responded warmly and compassionately to the people around him. [Ajahn Chah] [Equanimity] [Compassion] [Family] [Monastic life/Motivation]
6. Comment: Since the pandemic, I have been in better communication with my family. [Pandemic] [Family] [Internet] [Communal harmony]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Discernment]