Family
Family
2. “Would you explain the duties adult children have towards ageing parents and the duties of parents towards their children as taught by the Buddha?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Parents] [Ageing] [Children] // [Health care] [Culture/Asia]
Sutta: AN 2.33: The greatest gifts to one’s parents. [Virtue] [Generosity] [Right View]
6. “What are the characteristics of personality? Are they conditioned by kamma and our family, culture, and nationality? How do I learn not to take mine as truth and real?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Personality] [Conditionality] [Kamma] [Family] [Cultural context] [Self-identity view] // [Suffering] [Characteristics of existence] [Humor]
Recollection: Ajahn Chah tended to translate anicca as uncertain or not sure. [Ajahn Chah] [Impermanence] [Translation] [Proliferation] [Direct experience]
4. “If my sister has unwholesome friendships, how can I help her redirect these?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] // [Compassion] [Judgementalism] [Right Intention] [Right Speech] [Admonishment/feedback]
Story: An Abhayagiri monk skillfully conveys concerns to his father. [Family] [Abhayagiri]
4. “I’m having trouble integrating some of the teachings in the context of preparing to have a child...How might one be fully open to the lightness and joy surrounding birth while remaining deeply aware of these other truths of existence?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Birth] [Characteristics of existence]
15. “Thank you Luang Por for your time and teachings. I would like to hear more about the idea of restraint (especially in regards to raising a teenager).” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Sense restraint] [Children]
11. “Is there an obligation to reconcile with family before your death or theirs (especially when family has been particularly unskillful towards us)?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Death] [Forgiveness]
7. “Would you please comment on ‘The Highest Blessings’ where is reads: ‘Avoiding those of foolish ways...and cherishing family.’ What if family members engage in foolish ways like addiction to alcohol and one can not always avoid them? Can one cherish one of foolish ways?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Intoxicants]
20. “Today is the 23rd anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. I am particularly thinking of her today and dedicating loving kindness. Is this a meritorious act or is this fantasy?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Death] [Family] [Merit] [Goodwill]
26. “If a family member who has passed turns into a hungry ghost, how might one help them when they’re in that realm?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Rebirth] [Ghost] [Compassion] [Death] // [Merit]
Sutta: AN 10.177: Jāṇussoṇī
Follow-up: “Does it work the same way if the person hasn’t made much merit?” [Kamma] [Skillful qualities] [Unskillful qualities] [Human]
7. “In the context of deep love—like between spouses or between parent and child—what is the application of the concept of non-attachment? What does it mean?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Relinquishment] [Relationships]
13. “The last two 3:30pm sittings have been challenging. Restless body and proliferating mind. I guess it’s my time of day for anxiety. I use several techniques—mettā, 32 body parts, watch my long breaths—and by the time the bell rings, my internal landscape has changed. Thank you all for your teachings. Now, my question. I am still very attached to my husband and children. I don’t want to relinquish the intimacy I share with my husband. I will suffer when they are gone. How do I reconcile this practice of relinquishment with the reality that I am a wife, mother and householder? With love.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Gratitude] [Family] [Lay life] [Relinquishment]
14. “My relationship with my kids can be so contentious and draining—so different than I thought it would be. How can I love and train them even though it seems they were born to resist these things?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Conflict]
1. “How do I use the teaching today about investigating the cause of suffering when working with betrayal? Been married to high school sweetheart for 40 years. Raised children together and best of friends. Lately he has gone off the deep end. Midlife crisis? - who knows, but he started drinking and acting out sexually. The feelings of shock, betrayal, hurt, anger and fear are beyond words. If new relationship I would leave, but he has been in my life since I was a child. Impossible to accept but hard to leave. How do I find the cause of suffering (noble truth) you spoke of today? And how to bring some equanimity and space around this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Cause of Suffering] [Relationships] [Family] [Intoxicants] [Sexual misconduct] [Aversion] [Equanimity]
19. “I would like to invite my aging mother to live with my family. Our family observes the precept of no-killing. However, my mother is not vegetarian. My spouse insists that everyone in the house must uphold the precept. I think it’s unfair to impose that on my aging mother. Is my spouse holding onto fixed views? I very much would like to honor my filial duty and at the same time maintain harmony in the family. As a practitioner, what is the best way to handle this situation? Thank you, Ajahn, for your time and advice.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents] [Family] [Killing] [Vegetarianism]
5. “I’m not sure how to be with close friends or family members who out of a desire to avoid pain and find happiness engage in self-destructive behaivor that also harms those around them.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] [Craving] [Compassion] // [Discernment]
Sutta: Maṅgala Sutta: Don’t associate with fools.
15. “There is a mean streak in my family, a tendency to be dishonest and manipulative. I can see how it has been passed down over generations. I have worked hard to overcome these habits in myself. At this stage of life my familiar relationships are mostly positive and harmonious, but I still sometimes run across their manipulation or dishonesty. I would like to discuss or address it within my family, but there is no apperent recouse or means of addressing the situation. Any questions?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [False speech]
2. “When you spent time with family, did you notice any old habits resurfacing?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Family] [Habits]
5. “This year my whole family got lice. How do we respond to this skillfully?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Lay life] [Family] [Killing] [Animal] // [Human] [Patience]
16. “During the Christmas holiday, I’m going to be spending some time with relatives who do not share my same political views. In the spirit of wanting to understand their views and wanting to heal the divide that exists in our country, I want to talk about the election with them. How do I have conversation skillfully?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Politics and society] [Right Speech]
1. “My dearest parents -in-law - very ill, 82-84 years old, live in Europe. My dear husband loves his mother very much. He said if his mother passes away, he doesn’t want to be in the funeral. I don’t think it is a good idea. How can I help him and myself in the way of Buddha mind? I am afraid my husband will break down.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents] [Family] [Grief] [Funerals]
11. “What is the best way to navigate the people that we love that have unskillful behaivors but we don’t want to cut out of our lives?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Spiritual friendship] [Unskillful qualities] // [Compassion] [Patience] [Truth] [Aversion] [Admonishment/feedback]
8. “Can we approach chanting as praying for someone in a difficult situation?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Christianity] [Devotional practice] [Family] [Health] [Chanting] // [Skillful qualities] [Compassion] [Right Intention] [Merit] [Abhayagiri] [Nature of the cosmos]
4. “How to overcome rejection by your spouse and move on and not hang on to the hope that he will come back some day?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Relationships] [Family] // [Self-reliance] [Goodwill]
13. “How to balance the practice of removing attachments but maintain responsibilities of caregiving to children or ageing parents?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Clinging] [Relinquishment] [Family] [Parents] [Ageing] // [Gratitude]
1. “The reflection on kamma (Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55) uses language related to family: ‘born,’ ‘heir,’ ‘related’, ‘supported.’ What are the implications of this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Kamma] [Family] [Language] // [Community] [Perception]
2. “I have a family and family responsibilities. How do I know I’m on the path and making right effort?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Family] [Right Effort] [Doubt] // [Four Noble Truths] [Culture/West] [Mindfulness of feeling] [Direct experience]
6. Comment: Since the pandemic, I have been in better communication with my family. [Pandemic] [Family] [Internet] [Communal harmony]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Discernment]