Part of key topic The Human Dillema
Alternative translations: Distress
37 excerpts, 3:25:14 total duration
“How does one know the difference between appropriate grieving and honoring the memory of a beloved versus clinging and attachment?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief ] [Clinging] // [Cause of Suffering] [Self-identity view] [Spiritual urgency]
Recollection: Grieving for Ajahn Chah. [Grief ] [Ajahn Chah] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Recollection/Saṅgha]
Quote: “It’s that personalization of experience that gets us into trouble over and over again in different ways.” [Suffering]
Madison Insight Retreat 2023, Session 1, Excerpt 5
“I know parting with loved ones is a natural course of life, but deep sadness and grief arises when I reflect on that. Could you instruct on how to work with this grief? Is there a level of understanding when there is no grief? Thank you!” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief ] [Naturalness] // [Recollection] [Recollection/Death] [Impermanence] [Kamma] [Goodwill]
Sutta: AN 5.57 Five Recollections (Chanting Book translation)
Suttas: SN 47.13, SN 47.14: The deaths of Sariputta and Moggallana. [Buddha/Biography] [Great disciples] [Death] [Grief ]
Quote: “Now I’m an orphan.” — Ajahn Chah. [Ajahn Chah] [Parents] [Grief ] [Wat Pah Pong] [Mae Chee]
2014 Thanksgiving Monastic Retreat, Session 3, Excerpt 8
“Did vibhavatanha arise in any of the monks at the loss of the Buddha? How do we notice vibhavatanha in practice, and what is a wise and compassionate response?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Craving not to become ] [Death] [Grief ] [Sutta] [Buddha/Biography] // [Stream entry] [Stages of awakening] [Recollection/Dhamma] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Spiritual friendship] [Devotional practice] [Suffering]
Sutta: DN 16: Mahāparinibbāna Sutta [Nibbāna]
Story: The funeral of a close Wat Pah Nanachat supporter. [Funerals] [Grief ] [Wat Pah Nanachat]
Honoring the Buddha: The Mahāparinibbāna Sutta (2021), Excerpt 3
“The guidance through seeing the non-self in relationship to the elements was very helpful. Can you explain what to look for in order to see the non self in relationship to strong emotions like grief. When do you look for the emptiness in emotions and when do you experience or express them. How does one balance the two?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Not-self] [Elements] [Emotion ] [Grief ]
Ajahn Pasanno reflects on his feelings after Ajahn Chah died. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Chah] [Death] [Grief ] [Sickness] [Gratitude] [Respect]
Ajahn Pasanno’s response to his father’s death. [Parents] [Grief ] [Spaciousness]
6. Recollection: The direct and earthy culture of Northeast Thailand. Recounted by Ajahn Pasanno. [Culture/Thailand] [Language] [Ajahn Chah]
Story: A direct teaching to a man whose wife had died. [Fierce/direct teaching] [Death] [Suffering] [Teaching Dhamma] [Grief]
6. Most people celebrate birth, but people should be crying. When people die, everyone grieves and sorrows, but they should be celebrating. Teaching of Ajahn Chah recollected by Joseph Kappel. [Birth] [Grief] [Death] [Happiness] [Ajahn Chah] // [Fierce/direct teaching]
7. Quote: “When I saw Luang Por Chah when he had his stroke, I felt an almost unbearable sense of grief and loss. Then I remembered, ‘This is the way it is.’” — Ajahn Sumedho. [Sickness] [Grief] [Equanimity] [Ajahn Chah] [Ajahn Sumedho] // [Faith] [Aversion] [Relinquishment]
3. Ajahn Chah’s illness: his last teaching. Reflection by Paul Breiter. [Sickness] [Teaching Dhamma] [Ajahn Chah] // [Paul Breiter] [Health care] [Grief] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Respect for elders] [Monastic life] [Saṅgha] [Upatakh] [Almsfood] [Mutual lay/Saṅgha support]
6. Comment: I find that the experience of uncertainty and loss can give rise to compassion. [Impermanence] [Grief] [Compassion]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Right View] [Emotion] [Teaching Dhamma] [Ardency]
11. “Thank you for your uplifting and encouraging talks. My husband died 6 months ago. Could you give suggestions for how to contemplate anicca and anatta in the context of his life, illness, and death? I’m aware of aversion to the pain of losing him. I do want to learn from all this.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Impermanence] [Not-self] [Sickness] [Death] [Relationships] [Aversion] [Suffering ] // [Naturalness] [Grief] [Gratitude] [Merit] [Compassion]
13. “Is there anything skillful about crying, the flow of tears?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief]
1. “I was struck by the simile of the stone being heavy, but you won’t know it’s heavy unless you pick it up, and it’s just like suffering. You don’t have to pick it up. I’m battling a loss in my life, and I’m suffering. I didn’t pick up the stone. It was flung at me. I’m not sure how to deal....” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Similes] [Ajahn Chah] [Suffering] [Grief] [Christianity] // [Human] [Naturalness] [Equanimity] [Self-identity view] [Goodwill] [Discernment]
Reference: Amaravati Chanting Book, p. 55: Five Recollections [Characteristics of existence] [Recollection/Death] [Kamma]
Quote: “Whenever you get into a fight with nature, you always lose.”
Quote: “What makes it heavy is the ‘me’ bit.”
19. “Is it possible to dedicate merit to our four-legged companions after they pass?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Animal ] [Merit] [Grief] [Death] // [Generosity]
Sutta: AN 10.177: Jāṇussoṇī
4. Reflection by Jeanne Daskais: How Dhamma practice helped me be with my mother’s death and support my family through the process. [Parents] [Sickness] [Buddhist identity] [Family] [Death] // [Grief] [Christianity] [Health care] [Relationships] [Recollection/Death] [Generosity]
Sutta: SN 47.19: The Bamboo Acrobat
5. Reflection by Debbie Stamp: Caring for dying and grieving Abhayagiri supporters and family members. [Abhayagiri] [Sickness] [Family] [Parents] [Death] [Grief] [Health care] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Karuṇadhammo] [Christianity] [Forgiveness] [Fear] [Impermanence] [Merit] [Doubt]
Reference: Debbie transcribed Ajahn Pasanno’s 2008 Metta Retreat, published it as Abundant, Exalted, Immeasurable, and dedicated the merit to her mother. [Meditation retreats] [Dhamma books]
Story: Ajahn Ñāṇiko hikes to the top of Mount Dana to dedicate merit to deceased relatives. [Ajahn Ñāṇiko]
7. Comment by Jeanne Daskais: The reflection on kamma has helped me watch this person [my stepmother] disappear through the course of Alzheimer’s disease and other loss. [Kamma] [Sickness] [Grief] [Death] // [Recollection/Virtue] [Compassion] [Right Speech]
12. Comment: In Western culture, we’re not given enough space to be with death. [Culture/West] [Spaciousness] [Grief] [Death]
Story: Hospice workers took the body of my father-in-law away too quickly. [Health care] [Grief]
Story: When my husband died, we kept and washed the body. [Grief] [Ceremony/ritual]
Response by Debbie Stamp.
13. Stories about ageing and dying relatives. [Grief] [Humor] [Ageing] [Sickness] [Death]
8. “I know parting with loved ones is a natural course of life, but deep sadness and grief arises when I reflect on that. Could you instruct on how to work with this grief? Is there a level of understanding when there is no grief? Thank you!” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief ] [Naturalness] // [Recollection] [Recollection/Death] [Impermanence] [Kamma] [Goodwill]
Sutta: AN 5.57 Five Recollections (Chanting Book translation)
Suttas: SN 47.13, SN 47.14: The deaths of Sariputta and Moggallana. [Buddha/Biography] [Great disciples] [Death] [Grief ]
Quote: “Now I’m an orphan.” — Ajahn Chah. [Ajahn Chah] [Parents] [Grief ] [Wat Pah Pong] [Mae Chee]
5. “The guidance through seeing the non-self in relationship to the elements was very helpful. Can you explain what to look for in order to see the non self in relationship to strong emotions like grief. When do you look for the emptiness in emotions and when do you experience or express them. How does one balance the two?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Not-self] [Elements] [Emotion ] [Grief ]
Ajahn Pasanno reflects on his feelings after Ajahn Chah died. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Chah] [Death] [Grief ] [Sickness] [Gratitude] [Respect]
Ajahn Pasanno’s response to his father’s death. [Parents] [Grief ] [Spaciousness]
6. Comments by Abhayagiri Saṅgha about the nature of practice. [Forgiveness] [Similes] [Aversion] [Right Mindfulness]
Response by Ajahn Pasanno. [Habits] [Idealism] [Patience] [Ajahn Chah] [Goodwill] [Long-term practice]
Comment: Patience remind me of going through deep grief. Contributed by Beth Steff. [Grief]
15. “AN 5.38 says, ‘Not by sorrow can even the slightest good come.’ How does this work with the natural process of grieving?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief] [Skillful qualities] // [Cultural context] [Family] [Ajahn Chah] [Death] [Characteristics of existence]
16. “Part of the sense of loss and sorrow is the joys that have created attachment. How to approach this?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief] [Happiness] [Clinging] // [Naturalness] [Human] [Spaciousness]
Sutta: Thag 1062: Mahākassapa delights in nature. [Great disciples] [Culture/Natural environment]
1. “My dearest parents -in-law - very ill, 82-84 years old, live in Europe. My dear husband loves his mother very much. He said if his mother passes away, he doesn’t want to be in the funeral. I don’t think it is a good idea. How can I help him and myself in the way of Buddha mind? I am afraid my husband will break down.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Parents] [Family] [Grief] [Funerals]
11. “Can you speak a bit about aversion and letting go? I’m dealing with the loss of my brother and the ending of a 15 year marriage. The painful memories are hard to process, and it is easier to push them away. I’d like to “know” and “let go” of them.” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Aversion] [Relinquishment] [Grief] [Relationships]
11. Comment about developing faith in the practice by watching energies move, change, and dissipate in the body. [Faith] [Mindfulness of body] // [Grief]
4. “I’m left with a deep sadness about the state of the world. I suppose that’s no different than struggling with sadness about the human condition?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief] [Suffering] [Human] [Politics and society] // [Compassion] [Depression] [Desire] [Right Effort] [Disenchantment] [Conventions]
2. “How do we deal with the complications that go into the loss of loved ones?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief] [Clinging] // [Self-identity view] [Suffering]
6. Reading: Stillness Flowing by Ajahn Jayasaro, p. 646-647 “Por Buapah” Read by Ajahn Pasanno. [Ajahn Chah] // [Death] [Grief] [Personal presence]
Story: Por Buapah did the cement work for the original shine at Wat Pah Nanachat and the bell tower at Wat Pah Pong. [Stupas/monuments] [Wat Pah Nanachat] [Wat Pah Pong]
3. “The pandemic has given rise to feelings of profound grief and loss in many of us. How can we best work with these emotions to cultivate well-being for ourselves and others?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Pandemic] [Grief] [Emotion] [Happiness] [Community] // [Self-identity view] [Clinging] [Commerce/economics] [Perception]
4. “Apart from social distancing, what are other ways to behave compassionately during this time when there’s so much physical distance between us?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Pandemic] [Health] [Compassion] // [Generosity] [Online community] [Grief]
3. “Did vibhavatanha arise in any of the monks at the loss of the Buddha? How do we notice vibhavatanha in practice, and what is a wise and compassionate response?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Craving not to become ] [Death] [Grief ] [Sutta] [Buddha/Biography] // [Stream entry] [Stages of awakening] [Recollection/Dhamma] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Spiritual friendship] [Devotional practice] [Suffering]
Sutta: DN 16: Mahāparinibbāna Sutta [Nibbāna]
Story: The funeral of a close Wat Pah Nanachat supporter. [Funerals] [Grief ] [Wat Pah Nanachat]
15. Shedding, impermanence, and not-self: Reflections on moving to Amaravati by Ajahn Amaro. [Ajahn Amaro] [Impermanence] [Not-self] [Amaravati] [Abhayagiri] [Relinquishment] // [Lodging] [Ajahn Sumedho] [Travel] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Spaciousness]
Quote: “Die before you die.” — Ajahn Chah. [Ajahn Chah] [Death]
Quote: “The tone and flavor of Dhamma is bittersweet.” [Dhamma] [Grief] [Happiness]
16. Reflection by Ajahn Amaro: Do you miss Abhayagiri? [Ajahn Amaro] [Grief] [Abhayagiri] // [Ajahn Pasanno] [Relinquishment] [Nibbāna] [Ajahn Sumedho]
Sutta: Snp 5.11: The island you cannot go beyond.
2. “How do we overcome regret and remorse associated with not being able to do good or meet our loved ones at the time of passing away?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Restlessness and worry] [Merit] [Death] [Pandemic] [Grief] // [Goodwill] [Self-identity view] [Discernment] [Determination]
1. “How do you or other monks deal with grief associated with the passing away of loved ones, especially parents or caretakers who have been kind to you? Do you also experience ‘crying out in isolation’ to heal that grief?” Answered by Ajahn Ñāṇiko. [Grief] [Death] [Parents] // [Impermanence] [Merit] [Gratitude] [Recollection/Death]
5. “How does one know the difference between appropriate grieving and honoring the memory of a beloved versus clinging and attachment?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Grief ] [Clinging] // [Cause of Suffering] [Self-identity view] [Spiritual urgency]
Recollection: Grieving for Ajahn Chah. [Grief ] [Ajahn Chah] [Ajahn Pasanno] [Recollection/Saṅgha]
Quote: “It’s that personalization of experience that gets us into trouble over and over again in different ways.” [Suffering]
2. “Would you speak about your response to the events in Israel and Gaza?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Conflict] [Politics and society] // [Grief] [Human] [Suffering] [Idealism]
Quote: “The world has been a sad place for a long time.” [Nature of the cosmos] [Grief]
5. “I have had many losses over the year, and both my parents passed away six years ago. I found that taking refuge in the Buddha, Dhamma, and Saṅgha, keeping the precepts, and having daily meditation practice helps. There is peacefulness and gratitude. I have heard that if one wants to share merits with the deceased, one could. What is the proper way? Could you give some guidance?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Death] [Grief] [Parents] [Merit ] // [Recollection/Virtue] [Goodwill] [Translation] [Three Refuges] [Precepts] [Generosity] [Happiness]
Sutta: Iti 22: “Do not be afraid of puñña.”
Quote: “Puñña is accomplished through the heart itself.” [Heart/mind] [Cultural context]
Quote: “A spark of merit is worth more than a mountain of effort.” — Tibetan saying. [Vajrayāna] [Self-identity view]
21. “My husband died 10 years ago. There was sadness but also relief that his journey was over and sadness and relief for myself. I can still hear his advice regarding my medications. Is this clinging? He lives in my heart. What do you do with memories and teachings yourself?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Family] [Death] [Grief] [Memory] [Clinging]
Recollection: I still hear Ajahn Chah’s voice. [Ajahn Pasanno] [Ajahn Chah] [Dreams] [Ajahn Mahā Boowa]
1. “How do you deal with a friend who has commited suicide and the despair and grief that comes with that? How do you support a friend who has feelings of seeking annihilation and wanting to kill themselves?” Answered by Ajahn Pasanno. [Suicide] [Depression] [Grief] [Craving not to become] // [Guilt/shame/inadequacy] [Compassion] [Suffering] [Language] [Cessation of Suffering] [Fear]
Quote: “Compassion is a skillful or beautiful response to the suffering of the world.” [Skillful qualities]