Trust, Confidentiality, and Consistency

อาจารย์ สุจิตโต

Trust, Confidentiality, and Consistency

Another way of the good friend is they reveal their confidences to you. What they carry deeply in terms of pain, aspiration, regret or joy, they reveal to you.

This is precious, this act of trust whereby a person can reveal what is difficult or sensitive for them. When that can occur your sense of friendship grows beyond just liking someone; you have been given their trust. And you must never betray that.

Similarly, a good friend doesn’t betray your trust by divulging what you have shared with them in confidence. They regard your trust and your willingness to confide as precious – and that gives value to your life. You are someone who is held with respect – even if what was shared were problems or dark experiences. It isn’t the content that is valued, but the honesty and sharing. So you preserve that.

This confidentiality is something to cultivate because we can delight in gossip, with its sense of having special information on someone, particularly if it’s juicy. But something precious is lost in that gossip and chatter: human life is cheapened into fleeting entertainment. And if I don’t want people to gossip about me, then I won’t gossip about others.

The good friend also doesn’t abandon you when you’re in misfortune, hard-up, or when your luck runs out. When you feel like giving up on your aims and aspirations, they don’t give up on you.

And finally, the last quality of the good friend is that when you really lose it, when you’re totally down and out, they don’t despise you.

This reflection by Ajahn Sucitto is from the article, “The Good Friend.

The Bitter Pill of Honest Feedback

อัยยา เมธานันทิ

The Bitter Pill of Honest Feedback

A monastery can feel like a secure place. We leave the world behind only to join an exclusive society of robed, shaven-headed confrères with shared aspirations, striving to live by the highest principles. But don’t think that monks and nuns float around in saintly harmony and meditative bliss. Monastic community is a melting pot of temperaments and karmic predicaments – with the heat turned up and…

Nakula’s Parents

พระไตรปิฎกบาลี

Nakula’s Parents

Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakaḷā Forest, near Crocodile Haunt. At that time, Nakula’s father [Nakulapitar], the householder, was diseased, in pain, severely ill. Then Nakula’s mother [Nakulamatar] said to him: “Don’t be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time o…

What Is the Appeal of Love?

อาจารย์ ชยสาโร

What Is the Appeal of Love?

What is the appeal of love? In the initial stage, it is an effective antidote to boredom for those who find life stale, uninteresting, filled with only drudgery or emptiness or for those who feel lost with no purpose for living. Love can create excitement and meaning. Falling in love is intoxicating, a welcome agitation. Powerful emotional ups and downs—as if regularly falling into hell and then r…

Upasena Vaṅgantaputta

พระไตรปิฎกบาลี

Upasena Vaṅgantaputta

I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Rājagaha at the Bamboo Forest, the Squirrels’ Sanctuary. And on that occasion, when Ven. Upasena Vaṅgantaputta was alone in seclusion, this line of thinking appeared to his awareness: “What a gain, what a true gain it is for me that my teacher is the Blessed One, worthy and fully self-awakened; that I have gone forth from home to t…

Good Advice and Wise Reflection

อาจารย์ ถิรธัมโม

Good Advice and Wise Reflection

Ānanda: ‘Sir, fully half of this religious life is good friendship, good companionship, good association.’ Buddha: ‘Not quite so, Ānanda, not quite so. It is the whole, not the half, of this religious life, this good friendship, good companionship, good association.’ (S.V,2) Although self-reliance is an important foundation for spiritual practice, we can also greatly benefit from the support and…

The Ending of Dukkha Is Now

อาจารย์ อมโร

The Ending of Dukkha Is Now

We can say that the retreat formally closes this evening; this is the last day. But what really makes today special? The mind creates time, schedules. We come to human agreements. We say ‘beginning,’ ‘ending.’ These are all qualities that are imputed, determined, agreed upon. They don’t have any existence in and of themselves. As Luang Por Chah said, ‘The things of this world are merely perception…

Let the Enjoyment Take Us Forward

อาจารย์ กัลยาโณ

Let the Enjoyment Take Us Forward

We can see how the Buddha says over and over how spiritual practice is something that goes against the ways of the world, goes against the stream of sensuality. So, when we embark on this, it can be a little bit daunting and can seem rather negative – we have to give everything up, be very good, and then we’ll be happy. This can seem a difficult thing to do; it seems like self-sacrifice, going aga…

Caves

อาจารย์ ปัญญาวัฒโฑ

Caves

During my time at Wat Kow Chin Laa, I spent a lot of time in the caves for the first 6 weeks; after that, the rains came and the caves became rather too damp to stay in. But caves really are good in the hot season. They are cool and silent, except for the bats, and a lot of them are quite dark inside, so that one needs a flashlight or a candle. I found sometimes that a lot of nimittas arose, somet…

The Khanti Pāramī

อาจารย์ ปสันโน

The Khanti Pāramī

It is helpful to contemplate how to use khanti, patience, in our daily practice, and how we can cultivate it as a mental attitude during meditation. Patience is an underrated pāramī and considered in different ways, sometimes even misinterpreted. I remember Varapañño Bhikkhu disparaging himself, saying: “I just don’t have any pāramīs of wisdom, meditation, loving-kindness, or anything like tha…