So learn how to gain some control over your feelings. Now this may sound strange. How can you control your feelings? Sometimes we have the sense that our feelings are who we really are and that they’re a given. But that’s not how the Buddha explains them. He says that in every feeling there’s an element of fabrication, i.e., an element of intention. This applies to physical feelings as well as to…

Monks, these two people are hard to find in the world. Which two? The one who is first to do a kindness, and the one who is grateful for a kindness done and feels obligated to repay it. These two people are hard to find in the world. This reflection in the Pāli Canon is from “Hard to Find,” Dullabhā Sutta (AN 2:118), translated from Pali by Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu.

Another aspect that is really important is how we are a good friend to ourselves. Sometimes we are able to be good friends with others, but sometimes we may not be a good friend to ourselves. It may be that a friend makes a mistake or may have done something a bit foolish. We might say something, but it would rarely be harsh or overly critical. One would say something, but it would be out of care…

It is not easy to break through the illusion of being a separate self. We spend a lot of energy trying to fill the gap of loneliness with distractions and passions. We want to be fulfilled, to find meaning so as to lose that sense of loneliness because experiencing oneself as a separate entity in this vast universe is quite frightening. When I was very young, every time I looked at the stars at ni…

Rãgataçhã the defilement of sexual craving is comparable to a kitchen fire – both are necessary to establishing and maintaining a successful family. Marriage is necessarily a sexual partnership, while a kitchen fire is indispensable for preparing the family’s food. Just as heat and electricity are common requisites of human life, so too is rãgataçhã a fundamental aspect of human relations and the…

Resentment makes us stupid. Resentment stops us from finding lasting solutions to problems. Here are nine thoughts that tend to provoke resentment and which should not be welcomed into the mind: 1) The acted for my harm. 2) They are acting for my harm. 3) They will act for my harm. 4) They acted for the harm of one dear to me. 5) They are acting for the harm of one dear to me. 6) They will act for…

The nature of true moral virtue is subtle and complex — so complex that it cannot be attained merely by reference to precepts and rules of conduct. Ultimately, moral virtue is not measured in terms of adherence to external rules, but as an expression of the mind’s pure intentions. The basic goal of the Buddhist path is to eliminate from the mind all impure intentions. Thus, true virtue can only be…

Tudong is an ancient monastic practice of journeying on foot through the countryside, often for weeks or months at a time, living simply and close to the elements and often relying on the kindness of strangers to provide sustenance along the way. The Thai word tudong comes from the Pali dhutaṅga. The term refers to a set of practices such as living on one meal a day, not sleeping in a building or…

There is a lot of social conditioning in the modern world encouraging us to be confident and assertive in expressing our irritation or disappointment. Not necessarily aggressive, but assertive, so as not to suppress negative emotions. This can be helpful at times. If we find ourselves in an abusive situation, it can be very useful to learn how to set a firm and skilful boundary. But it is powerful…

The Buddha shows us the path to the Deathless. But how does that relate to my daily life in the kitchen with my kids and my dog? Well, check out the mind when it’s not clinging: when you are relaxed, not wanting anything, not going anywhere, not wanting to become something, in a moment of profound relaxation, in the now. How does it feel to be in the moment? Check out the peace that is there when…